By: Rafia Jalil Khan
Sorry! ‘Your daughter has blood cancer and she is counting the last moments of her life’
My heart stopped beating and the time suddenly slowed down.
The cruel words I did not want to hear at all…….
With these words stuck in my head, I just left the doctor’s room and rushed towards my daughter’s room, Where she was lying on the hospital bed. She was looking very pale and feeble. My eyes got wet. I bit my lip and tried to stop the tears. I started shaking, my lip quivered and then I just could not hold it any longer. I burst out in tears. She was counting the last moments of her life. I could not bear to see her like that all in pain and suffering. My mind was preoccupied with past thoughts. I closed my eyes and flash back started.
She used to say I love you Papa! ….’Do you love me too?’
My answer was always the same, Yes, my princess! Papa loves you the more and the most. She ran to hug me, while hugging and kissing so tightly, suddenly she said, ‘’Papa, ‘you and I will never be apart’ I will never marry in my life, I promise I will never leave you alone. You are my life, my love and my friend. You are every thing, so I need nothing more.’’
All of a sudden, she cried, ‘papa’ then, I came to my senses. A very feeble voice caught my ears, ‘I am sorry papa I broke my promise.’
After that I never heard that voice ever again in my life.
‘’Wake up! wake up!! come on my darling, please Wake up!’’ I shook her but she did not move.
This couldn’t be happening, my daughter could not be dead, but she was and it was a reality….
Questions ran through my head. ‘Reality’ What is the definition of reality? Cruel and spiteful? Unfair? If things are already planned, then, why me???
I really never thought it would happen to me. Not be burdened by my past, but she was gone, she was no more. It was not a dream. It was a reality and inside my heart I knew that I had to face it and move on.
‘The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with reality, we are the cause of our own suffering.’
The truth is that undesired things will happen in our life, regardless of our best efforts. That is just part of life, there is nothing we can do about it, but accept it.
If accepting the reality instead of resisting it and knowing that you’ll be okay very soon, will not lessen the pain, but for sure give you a hope and courage to move on.
Today, I am a father who had lost his child seven years ago. I can pretty much remember the day when she left me and after that I had got myself through painful days. With the passage of time, I used to feel that I had accepted my daughter’s death. I accepted that she was not here anymore because I had no choice. I accepted the fact that my life was never going to be the same again because I could not change it or bring her back. I even accepted that it was okay to be sad and to feel the pain. Everything was different now. I had to find a new normal one in me. My liking was not concerned that either I liked the situation or not. The only thing I could do, was to accept the fact and move on.
All I got from my life is that ‘’ If we start accepting the bitter realities of the world, the things become less painful’’.
It is well said:
‘’What you deny or ignore, you delay….What you accept and face you conquer.’’